How to attract opportunities

We either attract or repel opportunities with our thoughts, words and the subsequent actions we take. When our thoughts, words and actions are in harmony with the person we want to be, our goals, and the life we wish to create, we draw people and opportunities into our lives to help turn our dreams into reality. Carl Jung called this phenomena synchronicity.

This so called ‘positive thinking’ is not some new age mumbo jumbo, in recent years scientists have found evidence that shows why some people are ‘luckier’ than others. When testing brain activity in rats scientists discovered that when rats were given new tasks their brain developed new pathways, suggesting that the brain undergoes continuous physical changes throughout our lives. They confirmed these findings by conducting similar experiments on terminal cancer patients who gave permission for their brains to be studied after their death.

The major discovery to come out of this research is that our brains are continually remodelled by the lives we lead, which can mean that we no longer need to be restricted by the labels or beliefs that have been placed upon us. We can change our beliefs at any time,and at any age we choose, but there is a catch. These changes only occur when the mind is focused and paying attention. In other words when we are mindful.

ACTING ON VALUES IS A WAY OF BEING MINDFUL

Carol, who completed my life coach training course became aware that one of her core needs is security. Now one of the things I encourage people to do, when we want to create change, is to choose values that supports us to be the person we want to be. This has a number of benefits: acting on values makes us feel good about ourselves and this is the foundation for building a happy life; it helps us change our perception of who we can be and what we can do and have; and when we change our perception of ourselves, then other people’s perception of us automatically changes. Acting on values takes focused attention.

Carol chose to be more trusting. She did this by being: discerning, willing, slow to judge and more open to opportunities. She paid conscious attention to her actions and reactions and made conscious choices on a daily basis. She didn’t pretend to be a trusting person, she acted like a trusting person and in doing so her world changed.

At that time Carol needed a computer but didn’t have the money to buy one, so she started visualising herself working at her computer, and she was open to how this computer could come into her life. A few days later she was doing a favour for a friend and told her what she was doing. Her friend, who was in the process of buying a new computer, happily gave her her old computer. Inspired by her success Carol decided to focus on attracting coaching clients. She started chatting to people about what she did everywhere she went; in stores, at the hairdressers, in her yoga class and within weeks her business started picking up. Carol was committed to living the process that she was teaching and each day she became more joyful and the more she trusted in a responsible way the more opportunities came her way.

The reticular activating system, a portion of the brain which acts like a scanner, is an order taker. When you take steps as Carol did to respond in a different way, the brain is on the constant look out for it and brings these opportunities to your conscious awareness. The flow on effect is that the more success you experience, no matter how small, the easier it is to believe you can have what you really want. When you believe your actions automatically change.

Focusing can also help you learn new skills that may previously have been difficult. Susan Schenkel, a clinical psychologist and author of the book, Giving Away Success, tells the story of when she was in graduate school studying statistics.  It was generally considered that clinical psychology students would not do well in that subject, and she didn’t, but when the possibility arose of actually failing she decided to spend her Christmas holiday studying statistics by reading and re-reading the chapters.  At first it felt as if she was reading ancient Greek, she didn’t understand a thing, but by continually focusing, she not only started absorbing the material but started understanding it.  Then it became fun, and in her final exam she ranked number two out of forty students. Imagine if you placed the same focused attention on something in your life that you didn’t like, such as your job. You may find that by changing the way you think and what you focus on it becomes more enjoyable.

It’s easy to give up on your dreams when nothing seems to work, or they seem so far out of reach but I urge you to continue IF it’s what you really want.  There will be many times in life when you have no idea how to get what you want, and sometimes you just have to trust and do as much as you can now. The heart and the mind are incredibly powerful, and when you allow them to work together, take steps to be the person you want to be you often find a way where there appears to be no way.

 

 

 

Make Living in a State Of Flow Your New Normal

Business has been flowing nicely lately and because I want to live in a state of flow I have been affirming, “This is my new normal”. One thing I know for sure is that even when life isn’t flowing life always supports me, particularly when it doesn’t appear that way.

In my life coaching classes we use a style of questioning that helps people get to the root cause of what is holding them back, then together with the client we devise strategies, often based on values, to assist them to create a new normal. Both techniques are equally important because we can’t stay in a state of flow while we are carrying around with us hurt feelings, anger or memories that take us away from the person we want to be, or the life we want to create.

For most of my life I lived with a lot of self doubt because I worried about what other people thought. Instead of procrastinating I took the rebel’s path, and forged ahead, acting as if I didn’t care what anyone thought but I still did. I used force to achieve a lot of goals and while it can work, it is a very exhausting, stressful way to live. I often asked myself why I couldn’t take an easier path, why I couldn’t settle for less rather than always pushing myself to my limits and the reason I couldn’t do that was because my needs provided me with the motivation to move through my fears. The greatest need that’s driven my entire life is my need for freedom and I now know that freedom for me is about being myself, not pretending, not holding back, not settling for less than, it’s about whole hearted commitment to being the person I know I was born to be.

I used to say face your fears but even though I have done that many times, the fear remained. I now suggest that people move through their fears. We do this by feeling all of our emotions then gently and consistently acting like the person we want to be.

During one period in my life, when I needed to move through a lot of fear, I used two affirmations. One was ‘I trust’, and the other was, ‘What I think of me is more important than what anyone else thinks of me’. During that period I felt as if I was constantly criticised, and every time it would start up I would say to myself over and over again, ‘What I think of me is more important than what anyone else thinks of me’. Those two affirmations, followed by acting as if I trusted supported me to move forward. I see trust as being like a muscle, the more you exercise it, the easier it becomes to know when to trust.

Of course whenever you trust you need to combine it with discernment because not everyone is trustworthy. So, rather than just being foolhardy, establish the habit of pausing, checking in with your intuition if this is a person you should trust, or if you this is the right decision for you to make.

To create a new normal you need to move through any emotions that regularly challenges you. You can do this by feeling the emotion as it occurs without talking about it or getting caught up in the story around it. If you have buried your emotions then maybe journaling will help them come to the surface. Then look at what opportunity life is presenting you with. Do you need to exercise self care more? Could you let go of judging others or yourself? Is there an opportunity to be kinder or more caring? Or, are you resisting the direction life is taking you in, in which case you need to trust.

When you make acceptance of what is your automatic response, while looking for the opportunity to grow, life becomes so much easier and it flows.

 

The Best You

The headline, in Saturday’s Daily Telegraph, moved me to tears. It listed the number of people killed in recent terrorists attacks alongside the body of a child. Now most of us feel sad when we hear of such tragedies. Most people are compassionate. What most people don’t know though is that by being the best you it is possible to be, each one of us has the power to change the world around us.

Scientists at HeartMath discovered that energy from angry, fearful and depressed people can be influenced by positive emotions. Emotions such as care, compassion, love and other positive emotions are transmitted through an individual’s cardioelectromagnetic field and transferred to others in close proximity, and possibly over longer distances. In simple terms that means that the more caring, compassionate, loving and happier you can be every single day, you will exert a positive influence on the people around you.

What takes us all off track is our emotions. We react to what other people say. We make choices based on what other people think, rather than on what we really want. We allow fear to prevent us from doing what makes us happy. We fall into despair sometimes wallow in our misery. All this does is keep the world on the same old treadmill it has always been on.

To change the world, you need to step up and be counted not just as a nice, compassionate person, but by being the best you it is possible to be.

During the late nineties I made a choice that had the most profound influence on my life, I made a commitment to being a loving, kind and generous person. Those values represented the ideal person I wanted to be at that time.

One day while having lunch in a fast food chain, a kid started kicking the back of my chair. When I looked around and noticed a Muslim woman in a hijab I made a judgement, then I caught myself. In my mind I forgave the woman and child, I forgave myself for being so judgmental and I smiled at them as I left. A few days later someone ran into the back of my car while I sat at a traffic light, my first reaction was anger, then I remembered who I wanted to be. I got out of my car and smiled at the other driver, and treated him with respect.

As I continued doing this over the coming weeks I became aware just how negative and judgmental I had become, and how often I allowed my emotions to take me away from the life I wanted to live. As I made small but consistent changes I felt good about myself. I became more optimistic and within a very short space of time I went from being frustrated, angry and confused to feeling the most joyful I have ever felt.

On a practical level those changes flowed over to my work life and I went from working part time as a bookkeeper to ghost writing 3 books within a couple of months, those opportunities came to me completely out of the blue. I had been thinking of becoming a life coach and I took the plunge and started sharing what I had learnt with others, and without any preconceived ideas or expectations this sharing led to the creation of my training school. Within 12 months my income quadrupled and my life completely transformed – all because I chose to be the best me I could be.

Recently I noticed I was feeling irritable a lot of the time. Now the first thing most of us do is try to change what’s irritating us, but I know that only brings short term relief. My daughter reminded me that I wasn’t feeling free, which is my most important need. Once I addressed the cause the irritation left.

When thinking about values that could represent the ideal person you would like to be think about the overall legacy you would like to leave behind, that could be a legacy of joy, acceptance, peace, love, gratitude or compassion. Who I choose to be changes at different stages, but I feel my latest choice to be a loving, joyful, accepting person best represents the way I want to be remembered. This is who I choose to be on a daily basis and these values guide all of my choices. Another way to choose values is to look at what you react to in your daily life and choose values that will help you transcend those reactions.

Filling your needs and living by values, they are such simple yet powerful choices that make you happy and good about yourself. When you become the best you it’s possible to be at this time, your positive emotions will have a profound effect on the world around you. Just try it for one day.

This is how we can change the world. The power of ‘being’ is more powerful than anger, guns and retaliation. If you want a magic potion to change your life, and the world, all you have to do is work daily at being the best you.

 

I would love to hear what you are doing to change your world.