happiness heals

Happiness isn’t something you have to wait for. It’s never dependent upon something changing. Happiness is something we choose and allow into our lives by the way we live, but that doesn’t mean we are going to feel joyful every day.

Recently I attended a family constellations workshop, which I discovered is not my thing, but a fascinating process nonetheless. In that workshop there were a lot of people who were in deep emotional pain and I heard many expressions throughout the day such as: It’s too hard, Life’s so painful, I don’t want to be here. The tendency to avoid pain seems to be deeply entrenched in our psyche, and the message I wanted to share with you today is that you can get through anything, yes anything in life, if you don’t resist it.

My life’s been tough. All I ever wanted was to be a mother, it was more important to me than anything else, and I treasure every one of my children. Then, my son died at five. My youngest experienced major depression and was suicidal for many years. And now my eldest, who has always been my rock is suffering. Ten years ago, Lisa was diagnosed with a rare liver disease. Three years ago, she was diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis. Recently, she was told that she would be lucky to be alive in two years without a transplant, but there was no guarantee that her liver wouldn’t fail at any time and she could be dead within two weeks.

Right now I feel sad and a little worried but underneath that is a core of peace. I can feel despair on occasions, without losing hope. I can wish my life was easier without complaining about what is. I expect a miracle, yet I know I can accept whatever happens.

The only thing that stands in the way of our happiness is our inability to accept what is. That doesn’t mean we don’t need coping strategies or that we don’t need to express our emotions. Some people cry but I don’t like crying in public, I like to cry alone. I used to talk about my problems all the time, but I’ve learnt that a better way for me to express any pent up emotion is to write it out of me. I’ve spent many hours at my keyboard alone, crying and typing out my feelings.

I used to think that writing was my purpose. I know now it’s just the vehicle through which I express my purpose. My purpose is to share, and that is how I make sense of pain. I share what I learn with others in the hope that it makes their life easier.

I came into this world to experience acceptance. My gift is the sharing of what I learn with others.

I have learnt that forgiveness clears away negative energy and opens doors to opportunity, so on a regular basis, prior to my daily meditation, I often go through the Ho’oponopono forgiveness process. Which is based on accepting responsibility for everything in your life, forgiving everyone no matter what they have done to you, and that includes forgiving ourselves, and the final step is extending love.

Now I know so many will resist this message, and many won’t even have read this far, if you have all I can say is be willing to try it. Resistance of any kind is the cause of all pain. Resistance keeps us stuck.

A question I’ve been asked is, how can we accept what is without resigning ourselves to what is?

The way I do it is I do it is to: forgive, release the pain, and accept. Sometimes it takes a while to accept, but I’m always willing to. Then live your life as if all of your wishes will be fulfilled and it’s just a matter of time until that happens.

Choose happiness today. Not when the miracle occurs. Not when someone changes. Not when your depression or struggle ends. Not when you find someone to love you. And not when the pain ends. All you have to do is make the choice, you may not feel any different for a while but if you keep affirming that you choose to be happy, that you choose to live, one day you’ll find you really do feel happy.

Do at least three things that make you happy every single day. They can be small things like walking in the sunshine. Enjoying a cup of coffee. Talking to someone. Savour these moments.

Then start a list of twenty wishes, these are things you want in your future. These wishes aren’t about material possessions, they are about experiences and can include big things like sharing your life with someone you love or being a mother. They can also include fun things as well such as taking a ride in a hot air balloon or riding a bike.

Today is the only day any of us have, let’s enjoy it, and share that enjoyment with others.

“Pray as if God will take care of all; act as if all is up to you.”
St Ignatius