Make Living in a State Of Flow Your New Normal

Business has been flowing nicely lately and because I want to live in a state of flow I have been affirming, “This is my new normal”. One thing I know for sure is that even when life isn’t flowing life always supports me, particularly when it doesn’t appear that way.

In my life coaching classes we use a style of questioning that helps people get to the root cause of what is holding them back, then together with the client we devise strategies, often based on values, to assist them to create a new normal. Both techniques are equally important because we can’t stay in a state of flow while we are carrying around with us hurt feelings, anger or memories that take us away from the person we want to be, or the life we want to create.

For most of my life I lived with a lot of self doubt because I worried about what other people thought. Instead of procrastinating I took the rebel’s path, and forged ahead, acting as if I didn’t care what anyone thought but I still did. I used force to achieve a lot of goals and while it can work, it is a very exhausting, stressful way to live. I often asked myself why I couldn’t take an easier path, why I couldn’t settle for less rather than always pushing myself to my limits and the reason I couldn’t do that was because my needs provided me with the motivation to move through my fears. The greatest need that’s driven my entire life is my need for freedom and I now know that freedom for me is about being myself, not pretending, not holding back, not settling for less than, it’s about whole hearted commitment to being the person I know I was born to be.

I used to say face your fears but even though I have done that many times, the fear remained. I now suggest that people move through their fears. We do this by feeling all of our emotions then gently and consistently acting like the person we want to be.

During one period in my life, when I needed to move through a lot of fear, I used two affirmations. One was ‘I trust’, and the other was, ‘What I think of me is more important than what anyone else thinks of me’. During that period I felt as if I was constantly criticised, and every time it would start up I would say to myself over and over again, ‘What I think of me is more important than what anyone else thinks of me’. Those two affirmations, followed by acting as if I trusted supported me to move forward. I see trust as being like a muscle, the more you exercise it, the easier it becomes to know when to trust.

Of course whenever you trust you need to combine it with discernment because not everyone is trustworthy. So, rather than just being foolhardy, establish the habit of pausing, checking in with your intuition if this is a person you should trust, or if you this is the right decision for you to make.

To create a new normal you need to move through any emotions that regularly challenges you. You can do this by feeling the emotion as it occurs without talking about it or getting caught up in the story around it. If you have buried your emotions then maybe journaling will help them come to the surface. Then look at what opportunity life is presenting you with. Do you need to exercise self care more? Could you let go of judging others or yourself? Is there an opportunity to be kinder or more caring? Or, are you resisting the direction life is taking you in, in which case you need to trust.

When you make acceptance of what is your automatic response, while looking for the opportunity to grow, life becomes so much easier and it flows.


Freedom Is On The Other Side Of Fear

As a young woman I was the treasurer for a charity group. One night I was asked to fill in for another member of the committee at a group discussion, it was only a small group, about 12 or so people who sat in a circle. However, when I was asked to make a comment I felt as if I was going to choke. A few weeks later I walked into my home with a baby in one arm and a bag of groceries in the other and raced to answer the ringing phone. It was a major radio station asking for a comment on behalf of the charity and we were live on air. I can’t even remember what I said and if I was coherent, I was so frozen with fear.

Those experiences motivated me to do something to overcome my fear of public speaking so over the next couple of years I did several public speaking courses. I had to do more than one to gain any level of competence. I later went onto to have individual lessons with a speech and drama coach. Since facing that fear I have had the privilege of being a teacher and motivational speaker, talking to as many as 1500 people at one time and appearing regularly on radio and TV.

I believe that the other side of fear is freedom. My definition of freedom at one time was being able to do what I want when I want. I now know that freedom for me is passion, joy, fulfillment and being my authentic self. I could never have achieved those feelings if I had allowed fear to rule my life.

Freedom Is On The Other Side Of Fear

Your fears show you where you need to make adjustments or changes within yourself so that you can become the person you were born to be. So many people worry about what other people will think of them but when you give yourself permission to make mistakes, to fall flat on your face at times, life gets easier. Failure is as much a part of life as success is, and if you don’t get comfortable with failure it’s hard to move forward.

When I reflect back over my life I have had more failures than successes, but the pleasure, joy and personal satisfaction that I have gained from my successes are what make me feel good about myself and the life I have created.

Life is never about what other people think about you. At the end of your life it will come down to how you feel about yourself, and the way you have lived your life.