Life Takes You to Where it Wants You to Go

Many of us is resist what is. We insist that life goes according to our plan and when it doesn’t, we often use our will to try and make it happen. That’s when life goes out of balance. We often think of balance as time, but living a balanced life is much more than that. It’s about meeting all of our needs, not just the the most obvious ones that are unmet.

My late twenties was a challenging time. I had two young children and lived on the poverty line. My friends were either married with children, or single and looking for love. I didn’t seemed to fit in anywhere. I was lonely, bored and poor. I thought that if I had more money a lot of my problems would go away so my focus was always on how I could make more money, what study could I do to make more money, something external to change my situation.

One day I read an article about a charity for single mothers who were helping each other. I went along to one of their meetings and it was a life changing event that taught me that what we are seeking is not always what we need.

I got involved with the charity, eventually becoming a committee member and I did a lot of fund-raising and discovered that this was something that I was good at. I established a social life with women in the same situation as I was, and some of those friendships lasted for years. I nearly freaked out when I discovered that one of our meetings was being filmed for a TV segment, and another time I was asked to do a radio interview and some talks. That was my first brush with the media which was incredibly scary at the time, but it stood me in good stead for the media work I was to do.

One of the worst times in my life turned into one of the best when I allowed life to guide me in the direction it knew would make me happiest. That time supported me to develop the skills to do the work I was born to do.

Sometimes we get stuck in our logical minds when we try to work out how to achieve our goals but if we do our bit, be responsible, look by all means, but don’t get caught up in ‘the how’, life will take us to where we want to be.

I gained so much from that time in my life. I filled my need for companionship and realised that I needed to go back to work part-time so I could interact with others. My confidence grew. I was stimulated by the challenge of raising money and discovered I was more creative than I realised. I discovered that I feel happiest when I give. And I overcame my greatest fear of speaking in front of others which meant I felt good about myself.

If I had succeeded in my goal to make more money I may have attained that goal but I wouldn’t have learnt about all of those other things, and not surprisingly because I felt happy opportunities started flowing into my life again. My part-time job turned into my first real business venture (apart from typing) as the company I worked for went into liquidation and I took it over.

Here are some simple tips to help you through the tough times:

  • When life is not flowing check to be sure that you are focusing on what you want, not how to get what you want.
  • Look for where your life may be out of balance. Are you focusing on one goal and ignoring your other needs? Look for ways to be happy where you are right now.
  • Look for ways to can make someone else happy.
  • Stay open to opportunities.
  • Trust.

I have always found it helpful to read about successful people like Oprah. You will find that many of them got to where they are without a plan, they took responsibility, did what they could and followed where life took them.

How to Manifest Your Dreams Easily

Wayne Dyer stood on stage and drew an imaginary line. On one side was the place most people spend their time which includes having less than we really want, struggle, and disappointment. On the other side is the field where we manifest dreams easily. As he talked Wayne stepped into the field of manifestation and invited everyone in the audience to do the same. That was in September 1997, it is a day which is etched in my memory as one of those defining moments.

Up until that time I was like most people, at times I could manifest dreams easily, then something would happen to make me doubt myself and I would move backwards. On that day I was so inspired by Wayne Dyer’s message I chose to believe, and I saw myself step over that invisible line into the field of manifestation.

I would love to say that my life has always flowed easily from that time onwards, sometimes it has and sometimes it hasn’t. The difference though is that my commitment to my dreams is as strong now, 18 years later, as it was on that day. That means that when I doubt myself, I take action. When I feel fear I move into it. When I fall down I pick myself up and try again.

I Changed a Lot of Habits

Following that seminar I changed a lot of habits. I particularly monitored my self talk and what I spoke about with others. I started creating the ten steps I cover in my book Love the Life You Live, and I committed to living by my values. Leon Nacson recorded the seminar and offered the recordings at a really great price so I was able to listen to that seminar, which went for at least 6 hours, every time I got into the car for about a year, so that the message was ingrained in my consciousness. Over time I shifted from believing I could have everything I wanted to knowing I could have everything I wanted. Knowing is the key.

Wayne Dyer says, “In order to manifest you must assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled. You must be able to feel it in your body long before your senses are aware of it. Your inner pictures and the corresponding feelings that are connected to your vision belong only to you, and you begin to treat this inner world of thoughts and feelings as sacred territory. You make the shift from believing to knowing, and what you absolutely know is not tinged with doubt.”

All it takes to change your life is one decision followed by consistent action. Sometimes we are motivated to change when things get tough, or we can be motivated by a book, a speaker, or something we read.

What needs to happen for you to step over that line and into the field of manifestation?

I wholeheartedly recommend all of Wayne Dyer’s books and audios, they have changed my life.

To Change Your Life Change Yourself

There is no truer saying than, If you keep doing the same things you will keep getting the same results. The end or the beginning of a year is always a great time of year to reflect and review if there is anything you need to do to change your life, and if you feel tempted to use the excuse that you don’t have time be aware that that choice does not value you. Reflection is something you can do prior to going to sleep, while you exercise or drive your car. It’s not something that you need to have a lot of time for, just a regular quiet time.

A client I once worked with said, ‘I can’t understand why my life works sometimes and at other times it doesn’t matter what I do, or how hard I work, nothing seems to work out for me. I am positive. I watch my thoughts. I watch my words. I’m not perfect but most of the time I’m congruent.’ Congruence in this instance means that your thoughts, words and actions support your life choices.

What really frustrated this woman was her boss who made so much money when he was a negative, inconsiderate man. My client said, ‘I don’t want to take his success away from him. I don’t want his life. I just want to understand why someone like him who is always talking poor, who treats people badly, who does no work on himself, can prosper, while I, who work so hard at being the best me I can, struggle. Where is the justice in that?’

Most people believe at some level that if they are good they should be rewarded but life doesn’t work on a reward system. The laws of the universe work the same for everyone, there is no judgement as to who is worthy and who is not. Instead of focusing on what she wanted to create my client focused on resentment towards her boss, a touch of envy, and the frustration she felt that she did not have the resources to live her life the way she wanted.

Every single thing in life is energy. If someone who is in a bad mood walks into a room, you can feel it. If a couple who just had an argument go out with you, you can generally feel the tension between them, just as a happy optimistic person can brighten another person’s day. Even when you put on a good front people unconsciously pick up on your energy.

Emotions such as anger or sadness can be positive or negative, feeling sad is a transitory emotion and can be healing, but it’s hard to find the positive in emotions such as frustration, envy and resentment unless you use them to change you.

To change your life observe your emotions over a couple of days, look at what triggers your downward spirals or causes you to feel stressed, it is very easy to gloss over, or bury emotions which we find unacceptable.

Look at what is missing in your life to cause you to feel this way then take responsibility for fulfilling that need. Now I am fully aware that some of your desires may be beyond your reach right now, but it is amazing how things can change when you choose to believe that you can have what you want. At first it is just a choice, but support that choice with your thoughts, words, emotions and actions then opportunities will come your way to help you turn that choice into a reality.

It may seem easy for me to say those words but I know it’s true. When I lived on the poverty line when my children were young, I dreamed of a better future. When I rented a nice home, I dreamed of owning my own home. When I owned my first home I dreamed of living in a beautiful area by the sea. All of those dreams came true. Those dreams did not come from dissatisfaction, I was very grateful for what I had, they came from a desire for a greater level of comfort, ease and beauty and through actively choosing those things for myself I became a bigger, better person.

If you find yourself feeling resentful because other people have more than you do, look at what you can do to improve your situation. Make a conscious choice to check in on how you are really feeling regularly. When you live in a flowing energy state you flow with life, you do the best you can, you take responsibility and you actively work towards your goals in a relaxed way. And, often when you do this, synchronicity occurs, and you draw people and opportunities to you.

If you want to change your life – change yourself.

What’s Your Compelling Reason?

Not knowing how to achieve big goals is what stops so many people from even trying to achieve their dream.  But the fact is that most successful people have no idea how they are going to create their dreams when they first start out, they just have a very strong desire that motivates and keeps them going when things don’t work out.

When I bought my first home the prospect of taking on a large mortgage terrified me.  Tying myself down financially went against everything the freedom lover in me hated, but my desire for stability outweighed my fears, and that was my compelling reason which provided me with the courage to step outside my comfort zone.

More recently taking on the accreditation process for my life coach training program so overwhelmed me I felt like running away.  I hate complying just because a Government official says I have to.  I hated having to fit my course into a structure that would meet Government criteria, when it worked perfectly well the way it was.  I hated having to change the wording in some instances to fit a criteria which I think is stupid.  Added to that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing at first.  My desire to make a difference though was my compelling reason and it was greater than the obstacles I faced.  So, I broke the tasks down and kept telling myself that I am intelligent person and that I can work it out.

I did the eight day training and assessment course and found the other people doing the course were so helpful.  Often when I didn’t know what I was doing I would take my questions to the class and someone else would tell me just what I needed to know.  I asked for help and so many of the lovely coaches that I’ve trained gave me their support. I focused on one very tiny element at a time, figuring that if I got one part right, I’d be able to work out the next step, and I did.

Although the accreditation process went against my essential nature I chose to comply because of the longer term benefit.  Now I am so glad I did it and I feel so proud of myself and as a result of working on the course intensively for four months, it turned out better than it originally was.

Don’t limit yourself because you don’t know how.  Not knowing and feeling afraid often tells you that you are on the right path.  Find a compelling reason and start, just remember that progress is often associated with discomfort but discomfort is only temporary, whereas the rewards of following your heart are long lasting.

Lessons From an Uber Driver – Always Look For the Good

If you’ve studied self-help books you may have read that to create your dreams you need to change your thoughts, change your beliefs, focus on what you want, feel the emotions, think positive, get clear, release your dream, affirm, visualise and so much more. It’s enough to make your head spin. Manifesting your heart’s desires doesn’t have to be difficult, it can be as simple as looking for the good every day.

Recently I used Uber for the first time and met a man who inspired me. Aman has never read a self-help book or done a personal development course, but he has learnt the secret to being happy and successful is to look for the good.

Looking for the good

Aman came to Australia from Somalia 28 years ago. His father was an uneducated man who lived in a poor village in the bush, so when his mother died and he was only three, his uncle offered to raise him so he could receive an education. Aman said how grateful he was to his uncle for doing this.

When Aman first started working in Western Sydney he was the only black man in the area. I thought he might have encountered some prejudice, but Aman soon told me that it was one of the best things to happen to him as everyone went out of their way to help him. As well as teaching him work skills his first boss taught him to how to drive then lent him the company car to use on weekends.

His boss constantly told him to buy a house but being young and carefree he ignored that advice. It was only when he was married and had five children that he realised that he needed a home of his own. As house prices in Sydney were beyond his means by this time he went to Melbourne to look at new developments. While talking to one of the developers he told him his story and the following day the developer drove him all around Melbourne showing him where to buy and telling him what he needed to do to make money out of property.

Not long after Aman bought a block of land and built a house, total cost was $350,000. Five years later that house has more than doubled in value. He is now moving his family back to Sydney as he will soon have three children at University here. He plans to rent out his Melbourne house and buy another in Sydney, something I have no doubt he will do.

When we got back to the subject of work Aman said he makes so much money as an Uber driver as he never has to wait more than two minutes for his next customer. I expressed concern that he didn’t have another job as we drove down my street and he laughed and said he will just drive around if he has to, but he expected to get one. Lo and behold as we pulled up in front of my house another job came in, just two minutes away.

Aman is someone who makes you feel good just by spending time with him because he is always looking for the good.

When you look for the good your body produces  DHEA, a performance enhancing chemical which inhibits the production of cortisol (a stress hormone), and this feeling of wellbeing can last in the body for hours. The signals travelling from the heart work at optimum levels, this means that we think clearly, our memory improves and we make better decisions. And have you ever noticed that when you feel happy that other people respond to your energy and want to spend time with you? Do business with you? And help you get what you want?

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in doing everything perfectly when all we have to do is relax and look for the good and allow life to unfold.


I invite you to participate in our 30 day campaign ‘Looking for the good. You can also join my Be the Difference Movement by joining our Facebook Community.

Perception controls belief

I promised myself that I would start my day writing my new course. At the start of the day I often feel inspired, that’s when my best ideas just flow into my mind and I know that if I don’t get them down on paper, they often go to the graveyard of great ideas from which there is no return. Then I received a message from my assistant saying she wouldn’t be in, so, I decided I had better check emails first and that’s when inspiration died. Three hours later I had handled most of the urgent matters but it was too late. Inspiration had been pushed aside by the practical mundane details associated with running a business.

This has been the story of my life for the past two years. I wrote my first book before and during pregnancy when my mind was not at its clearest. I have written books with a baby and very young child to look after, so what happened? The difference between then and now is that I allocated a specific time where there would be no interruptions. When I wrote my first book I spent one day a week out of the office that was dedicated to writing. When my daughter was young I only ever attempted writing at times when she was in care, or asleep. It did help that in those days there was no such thing as email.

I know that to achieve my writing goals I need to allocate set  writing hours as I did in the past. So, what’s stopping me? Normally I would say time, but I am starting to question if that is really true. More than likely it my perception of not having enough time that is preventing me from doing something I love.

Most of us get caught in the trap of believing that are thoughts are true. Our perception becomes hardwired into our brains and our perception controls our beliefs, but that doesn’t mean that our perception is accurate. When I looked at times I could write I found several times I could allocate that would not damage my business, but I was so locked into my belief ‘that there is never enough time to do the things I want to do’, I didn’t plan ahead.

Recently in my life coaching class I coached a student who often felt overwhelmed and had trouble getting things done, like many people she had a tendency to procrastinate. She said she was a proficient list maker, but her lists were never ending and she never ticked all of the items off her list. As I asked questions as to what was on her list it became clear to me that it wasn’t the volume of things she had to do that caused her to procrastinate, it was that she didn’t want to do them. As she answered more questions it became evident that she really valued freedom and her perception that she had so much to do was what made her feel overwhelmed.

Most people try to change their life by changing habits, and that can definitely help, but when we get to the root cause of what is holding us back we can break patterns of behaviour permanently. And finding ways to fill our most important needs is sometimes all we need to do to resolves the issue.

To change habits we need to live consciously, that means pausing every now and then and challenging our perception. According to Bruce Lipton, author of The Biology of Belief, “At best, 5% of the time the conscious mind runs our life”. That means that our subconscious programs are in charge.

My daily motto now is: Pause. Breathe. Reflect. Then where necessary challenge my assumptions. It’s such a simple strategy that can make a big difference to the quality of our lives.