There was a time in my life when I just had to ask for what I wanted and it was like turning on a tap, it was there. Then one day the tap dried up and it didn’t matter how hard I tried, or how much I gave, nothing changed. Fortunately, the tap is now flowing freely again and I now know that only happens when I trust.
Life continually provides us with opportunities to expand our comfort zone and to go beyond our expectations. We are the ones who limit ourselves. The problem for most people is that they either don’t realise they have an issue trusting, or they don’t know how to trust. Here’s some ways for you to build your trust muscle.
1. Be trust neutral. When we don’t trust we tend to shut down emotionally, or close a part of ourselves off from others. Rather than doing this make the choice to be trust neutral. You can be open and friendly in new relationships you just choose not to share anything of a confidential nature. Or, give your heart or money, to someone until you know them better.
2. People tell you who they are all the time. To become a good judge of character you need to develop your perception skills and you do this by observing. Really listen to the words people say and take note if their words contradict their actions. For instance, if someone tells you they are a person of integrity yet they are having an illicit affair their actions contradict their words. If someone tells you that you can trust them with a confidence and they gossip about others, it would be downright foolish to trust them.
3. Reflect and observe. If you can’t trust your own judgement, it’s hard to trust someone else. Look back over past choices that supported you and ask yourself why you made that choice. Look at the times you had problems trusting yourself and ask yourself if you allowed a fear to control your life, or were your concerns valid. By observing what has worked for you in the past you will learn to differentiate between fear and intuition.
4. It’s easier to trust when you have a contingency plan. When you are making any choice which involves a financial risk I always find it helps to have a contingency plan. This is an alternate plan for what you can do if your choice doesn’t work out the way you hope. This is ideally used for situations such as when you change jobs, start a business or make a major financial decision. I know I feel more comfortable have two or three contingency plans that I can fall back on if things don’t go the way I plan. This is not planning for failure, it ensures that you can focus on your goal without fear getting in your way.
5. Keep your dreams to yourself. The more you share your dreams with others the more likely you are to doubt yourself. Other people, while well intentioned, often tell you their fears and before long you start to doubt yourself. Many dreams that have been shared too early die before they even get started.
6. Trust builds confidence. Many people come for coaching because they want to feel more confident. Acting like a confident person isn’t going to make you feel confident, being a trusting person will. As you learn to trust your own judgement and trust yourself you naturally become more confident.
There is actually a lot more you can do to become a trusting person so start thinking about what you need to do and in what area of your life do you need to trust more. Then every time you feel fearful, or find yourself about to react in your usual way ask yourself how you would act if you were a trusting person. Then act that way.