I often say to my life coaching students, ‘Action comes first, feeling follows’. You don’t eradicate self doubt by waiting until you feel confident. You overcome self doubt by acting as if you feel confident, and over time you will start to feel confident.
Everyone has doubts but confident people don’t dwell on their doubts. When you go through life always seeking reassurance you set up a fertile breeding ground for self doubt, then when the slightest hiccup occurs some people see that as a sign that it’s not meant to be and they change their plans.
When I bought my home I created a lot of unnecessary problems for myself by questioning my solicitor, triple checking everything myself, and looking for problems. A part of me felt that it was too good to be true, and I had a few trust issues. This created setbacks and delays for everyone involved. When we had to delay settlement the seller was uncooperative, and it ended up costing me more money, and took longer than it needed to.
My friends said to me, ‘We don’t think you should buy the house, nothing has flowed’. Fortunately, I didn’t agree and proceeded. The delays resulted from my fears and if I had listened to my friends I would have missed out on living somewhere that I love.
When we are not talking to others, we talk constantly to ourselves. This is such a natural process that we generally don’t notice the phrases that circulate in our minds. This self-talk affects the way we feel about ourselves and what we attract into our lives. Have you ever said to yourself, I’m stupid. I can’t win. It’s too good to be true. I don’t know if I’m making the right decision. Or, You can’t have it all? This behaviour reinforces self doubt and beliefs that take you away from what you want.
If I was interviewing someone for a job and she told me she was stupid I wouldn’t employ her. You may think you wouldn’t say such a thing in an interview, the problem is that when you become accustomed to talking to yourself in a particular way, put downs slip out without you even noticing them.
Your words impact others as well. I always told my children they could have everything they wanted, then one day I heard myself say, ‘You can’t have everything you want’. Talk about giving my children mixed messages.
Words are powerful and whether you are talking to yourself or talking to others it’s important that your words always support your choices.
Actions are equally important. Act as if you already are the person you want to be and are living the life you want to live. That doesn’t mean spending money you don’t have, it’s choosing to act with confidence when you feel doubtful. You could do this by distracting yourself, or saying a positive affirmation when doubt creeps in. It’s not talking about what is lacking in your life or even talking about what you want all the time, because sometimes that’s a reminder of what’s missing.
Allowing no doubt means:
Being proactive even when you feel insecure.
Spending your time wisely by doing something that will lift your spirits.
Keeping your dreams to yourself, or only sharing with people who believe in you.
Being aware of where you place your attention on a daily basis.
Not worrying about tomorrow, or what can go wrong, it’s learning to enjoy today.
Some people are naturally confident and some have to work at it, but if you act as if you believe one day you will notice just how many things you’ve been able to manifest.